she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Someone came in the potted fern
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
