its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My breasts were aching with rage.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize