Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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