I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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