I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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