Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
