Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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