A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
