She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
