My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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