she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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