dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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