Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
