Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Randomize