he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
