There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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