When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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