Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
