Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
