i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
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