There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
