I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
