This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
