Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
