is your mom at the bar?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
