I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
