I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We left an ass print on the piano.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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