my soul wont recognize me after tonight
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Drunk is not a location!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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