It's like a parade of train wrecks.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
