I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just gargled with NyQuil
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
