You're a womanizer and a bitch.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
