I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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