she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
