It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize
