Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
