so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
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