ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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