I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
