you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
