This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
