Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
The struggles of a small town man whore
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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