u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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