Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Randomize
