Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
