I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
