i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
