I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
