Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
