I think i sorta joined a cult last night
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
NoShamevember. You game?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
