the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
my phone needs a breathalizer
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
There's always time for handjobs
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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