There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
