i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
