he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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