His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
When did angry sex become our thing?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
