I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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