Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
