Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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