Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
