i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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