someone get that fucking seahorse.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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