he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'm having to shit out rocks
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